Lonely Hearts Club

No one ever wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life.    Bill Murray

There are certain things that are usually not talked about, loneliness is one of them.  Who wants to admit that they feel disconnected from others, don’t fit in and aren’t popular?  But lately I am lonely, I can’t shake this feeling.  A ghost you can see through. I don’t register on the radar, there’s no blip for me. This loneliness is not a pity party; it is more visceral than the particulars of a good whining session. I am looking in the windows of other peoples lives, an observer, not a participant. Maybe I am scared because sometimes I am too comfortable being alone. I fear I will not be available or reach out to others, so I will never have another love relationship. I hold all of these conflicting feelings. In the meantime, I sometimes feel lonely.

Ambivalence is a messy feeling, a push/pull of emotions. Pros and cons don’t do the deciphering for me. Is it a moral failing to be lonely? Is it all my fault? Do I just need to unfold and shake myself out?  All questions I ask myself, to help me make sense of this loneliness lurking in the corners of my life. Is a male/ female love relationship the only antidote to loneliness, or is it even an antidote? That kind of love relationship is nice, but I don’t think it is necessary to relieve loneliness.  I am 100%, no one can “complete” me.

I don’t turn on the T.V.  when I get home in the evening, the noise aggravates me. I have heard people say they have the T.V. on even if they are not watching it so they don’t feel lonely. I do talk to my doggies a lot: “What would you like for dinner? Do you need to go outside?. They know when I am sad and do their best to comfort me. My special four- legged lovers are often easier to love than people. Love is Love.

I am convinced that loneliness sells a lot of records or DVD’s, CD’s,videos etc. “Lonely” has to be one of the words used most often in lyrics.

Sgt. Pepper’s lonely Hearts Club Band  (Lennon and McCartney)   And bein’ lonely, makes you wonder why. (Neil Diamond)   Too lonely to fall in love.  (Neil Young) Hey there lonely boy, lonely boy.  (Ruby and the Romantics) Down at the end of Lonely street at Heartbreak Hotel.  ( Elvis Presley)   Lonely days, lonely nights.  (BeeGees)  Lonely without you.  (Porter Wagner) It’s a lonely man who wanders all around.   (Elvis Presley) You get the idea…

So many people share the feeling of loneliness. If they all got together, would they still be lonely? I feel less lonely.