Month: March 2024

It’s nothing short of a miracle that we humans can communicate with each other – even just a little bit.The words we use and how we talk to each other are very nuanced and driven by our intentions for speaking.  Are we chewing the fat, having a tete-a-tete? Word of mouth means “passing information between people using oral communication.” This  could be as simple as telling someone the time, sharing that you really like restaurant A, or indulging in delicious gossip. Word of mouth can equal communication and understanding, but also the opposite. I may hear your words,  but not have a clue what you mean!   OMG it can be LOL, which is whole other language to reach misunderstanding. I hope you might enjoy some of my research and  use of creative language.

Slang:  informal nonstandard vocabulary composed typically of coinages, arbitrarily changed words, and extravagant, forced, or facetious figures of speech usually used by a particular group of people. For example, in Mafia speak “ painting houses” means murdering someone.  If you don’t understand someone’s use of slang it’s hard to decipher the meaning of their word of mouth. I don’t understand some of the current slang, so sometimes I have to ask my son things like what does “bougie” means. ( Ask a teenager) Each generation has their own slang. I listen to teenagers and I hear words that sound like a foreign language to me. Is there “old speak” and “youth speak”? Or is it that kids just don’t listen, and old people have nothing important to say? How do I acknowledge these differences  and still talk to different age groups in a meaningful way? It’s my responsibility to keep learning and remain open to the  “new” news and new words.  I could discover that I’ve changed my mind on some issues or that I can laugh at my certainties or foibles and that is groovy, dope, solid and rad.

Sarcasm: the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny.  I love sarcasm except when it is directed at me! Things can get really murky with sarcasm because what I want to  communicate may well be the opposite of what I actually say.  “You are so smart.” could really mean, “You are a dumb shit.”. Do you catch my drift? (Slang for “Do you understand what I mean?”) Sarcasm can really hurt someone and the speaker can deny they said anything mean, i.e.”Get over it.I’m just kidding.”  I can escape accountability while still hurting people with my words. Experts at sarcasm can be masters in gaslighting. I am a  word person so I need to remind myself to limit my sarcasm and plainly and directly express my feelings. I need to ask others to do the same.

Comeback: a sharp or witty reply: retort. I’ve missed more than a few turns while driving because of fretting about what would have been the perfect comeback. I am not the most assertive person or quick thinker when I’m  upset, so I often have to resort to practicing comebacks alone in my car. A good comeback can be so satisfying, but the timing is so crucial. I offer you a few of my favorite comebacks with the hope you will be able to use them when the time is right:  1. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.; 2. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?; 3. Please just tell me you don’t plan to homeschool your kids.

Just in case you want to be an informed voter you should know that political speech is such a manipulative  cluster f**k.   Oh my, you’ve  got dog whistles,  propaganda, facism, racism and just plain old lies.  Don’t get me started…. And don’t roll your eyes at me, I know what you are saying! I am trying to understand your point of view, but see #3 above.

Parents all over the world admonish their children to “ Use your words.” Word of mouth starts in the crib. Say what you mean, mean what you say and try to be kind

The phrase “kitchen table issues “ is usually used in a political context, meaning issues that affect people in their daily lives. Sitting at the “table” is usually a white woman or white heterosexual couple, but maybe the rest of us won’t notice! The direction I’m going in is ”kitchen table issues” at our big table, in our house, on our farm in Iowa.

You have to have a big table to fit 13 children and 2 parents! It seemed like a football field or a boardroom table. It was rare that the table was not in use.  It was Grand Central Station, the command center for our family. Have to leave a note or check for someone? In prehistoric times, before cell phones, we could stick it in the clothes pin holder on the table. The table was where my parents read the daily and Sunday newspapers, and usually the papers remained there until  meal time. By laying it out on the table, you could see above the fold and below the fold at once and didn’t need long arms to hold it. Various family members would stop at the table, pick up a section to read, and sit for awhile. There were lots of  “Did you read that story about….?” The family that reads together at the kitchen table stays together.

The kitchen table was our game table and was the setting for many rowdy times! Card games, Yahtzee, Phase 10, dice games, you name it, were all played at the table, after the newspapers were removed of course. “ Anybody for a game of cards? It’s hard to think of that table without remembering all of the good times we had sitting around it trying to remember what’s trump? Some of my best memories of my Dad are set at the kitchen table. I “played” cards with my Dad and uncles as a little girl. I sat on my Dad’s lap and he picked a card out of his hand and told me to lay it on the pile. I often didn’t understand the good natured ribbing and laughing going on, but I knew I had a good, happy seat at the table. 

At least some of the time at big family gatherings, it was usually the men in the living room smoking cigars, and the ladies sitting at the kitchen table gossiping and discussing the issues of the day. As a girl, I  loved to sit at the table with my Mom and my aunts and Iisten to their lively discussions. I heard that the Catholic Church banned birth control pills, but my younger aunts said they were using them anyway. I heard about who was sick, who had babies and who liked to drink. I was especially excited when they disagreed about an issue and my Mom would end the discussion with some weak platitude about needing to sweep our side of the streets first, and everyone had to agree with that.   When I got old enough for a seat with the ladies at the kitchen  table, I was confrontational, and a know it all.  I missed the whole point of this gathering of women, which was to connect and be free to talk and be honest, without men in the circle and changing the equation.

Remember when you developed a roll of films and got photos that you could actually hold in your hand? My Mom had a big tin that held hundreds of photos before they were put in photo albums. If that tin came out to the table there was always filled seats around the table to look at the photos, identify people and tell stories about what was going on in the photo. The photos passed between hands at the table, and family history was passed around too. It was a low tech ancestory.com!

Weak coffee and good desserts set out on the table were part of many visits. Family members shared recipes for the desserts they brought. Time at the kitchen table was a recipe for sharing, connection  and love.