I am thrilled to introduce Molly, the newest member of my family and Roscoe’s baby sister. Molly is a dear, and reaches out with her paw to get her pets. Molly G. is very tiny, only about 7 pounds. She of course has a pink harness and leash. Roscoe has a lime green leash with at least 5 knots tied in it to shorten how far he can roam. I can’t let Roscoe get too far over his skis! If I keep him close to me I can pull him back quickly and scoop him up if I need to. Too much freedom could be a dangerous situation for him. He has poor impulse control, especially where big dogs and squirrels are concerned. I have never used a leash where he can go out quite aways from me because I have control issues too.
Sometimes I think I should have a leash that would hold me back from my verbal diarrhea that has, and most assuredly will get away from me again. So yes, I have some poor impulse control too. Still I can’t shake the feeling that my “knots” have also held me back from saying what needed to be said and telling my truth. If I let the truth be tied up in knots and remain silent, than I am lying. Don’t go too far, don’t say that, don’t be angry, just DON’T. So how many knots should I untie today? It is my birthday so this seems a good question for today.
I think I can let people-pleasing off my leash. No use trying to control what other people think of me, it is totally a waste of time. I don’t have to laugh at jokes I find offensive, or bite my tongue when others are being mis- treated. The only “people” I need to please is myself, and I trust myself to know that I am very pleased to be loving and caring. No one can punch right through me because I am both solid and transparent. I can’t be pushed around by others opinions, and I can be transparent with who I am. I don’t have to adjust myself to other people. It is simple to be myself, but very difficult too. It will take me a bit of time to get this “knot” untied, but I am starting today, now.
This feels good! How about I let go of the “I’m too old.” excuse. I know I can’t do everything my younger self could do, but I can do lots more than I think I can. I can’t be an elite runner, but I can run 3 miles a day. It’s very unlikely that I will win a Grammy, but I can play banjo and even sing. My writing won’t show up on the New York Times bestsellers and I will continue to write anyway. I can learn how to do many things that are not age limited. Untying the ”I’m too old” knot may take a bit longer due to my mild arthritis, but damn, it will get done.
When I get to the end of my life, I hope I will not be tied up in knots. Maybe a bow!
I’ll try anything once. Alice Roosevelt
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