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A WRINKLE and a WONDER a Week #9

a Wrinkle

“Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time.” We all remember when we’ve looked at the clock and thought, “I can’t believe it’s that’s time already!” Getting older has really put the concept of time front and center in my life, especially thinking about how much time I have left and how much time I’ve wasted! Everyday I think I just need some more time, and then I can hear the Universe laughing at me. How I am spending my time determines how joyful and meaningful my life is. Whining and complaining are a waste of my limited time. Doing things I don’t want to do, but think I should do —another waste of time. People pleasing and trying to be perfect -you guessed it, another waste of time. Yet, I’m guilty of choosing any or all  of these options much too often. Some things simply require a certain amount of time. I have to wait 15 minutes for my Covid rapid test results.  Baking something for too short a time makes for inedible food. Self checkout is quicker, but I still have to wait for a scanner to be free. I spend a lot of time waiting. “I had a great time waiting today.” said no one ever.  All of us have to spend some time doing things we don’t want to do in order to keep our lives going smoothly: cleaning house, putting gas in our cars, buying diapers and groceries, getting our bills paid, getting colonoscopies, etc…. Unless we can pay someone to do those things for us, but there’s still the colonoscopy we have to do for ourselves. I make time for preventative health exams in hopes I’ll earn more time for my total  life span. Can I really save time or take time?  It seems the only thing about time that I can control is how I decide to use it. Time has speeded up and the years pass so quickly now. I could barely wait for Santa Claus, it was such a  long time to wait, but now I worry that I’m not paying attention to all the wonderful moments that present to me.  Too soon it will be “Time’s up!”

a Wonder

Death comes for everyone. As I experience the loss of family members and friends I am reminded my time is finite. I’m not immortal and I’m not sure I really want to be. Can I make a bargain with time?  Time makes no deals, with anyone. When it’s time it’s time. I need to  hold the fragility of life in my mind, while choosing how I spend my days. I can’t make more time, but I can make better time. Spending time on B when I really want to spend more time on A is my choice. I can’t do 2 things at once. As Red says in “Shawshank Redemption”, “You’re either busy livin’ or busy dyin’.” And I remind myself that this life is not a rehearsal,  it’s opening night and closing night rolled into one, and it’s all improv!  When I’m reading, writing  and crafting I tend to get so focused that I’m not paying attention to time passing, but I think this is the opposite of wasting time.  I’m using up time, but I’m also nourishing myself, filling myself up. I want more of life in my days no matter how many days I have left. I’ve learned a few things about time management even if it’s more like time manages me.  I try to avoid calling any medical or business office on Mondays, unless I want to live my life “on hold “ or “on speaker”. I  have more flexibility as a retired person, so often I can avoid the busy times or  put myself on wait lists for openings.  Mastering online business or portals really does speed things up. Keep it simple, less clutter, less stuff to pay attention to and waste time on. If I have to wait for something I read or walk around. If there’s a quicker and easier way to get something done, I want to know about it. I have my connections with helpful people who I know I can trust. Knowing who to talk to saves a lot of time. Please don’t make me tell my story again! I’ll count myself lucky, if when I get to the pearly gates, I get to tell St.Peter, “Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time.”

 a Wrinkle

It’s that time of the New Year. All of the health clubs will be be crowded with new faces all determined to lose weight and get in shape—their New Year’s resolutions for 2026. Past experience tells me the crowd will thin out, generally within a few weeks, and New Year’s resolutions will be abandoned. I may have been one of those faces. How and why do people actually change? One thing for sure is I can’t change anyone else, although I’ve never stopped trying. Yes, the buck stops with me! Does anyone have change for a buck? Anyway this whole idea of deciding to make a positive change and actually doing it is a mystery to me. I stopped smoking many years ago and I still don’t really understand how I did that! My Mother always said “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” I still hate to hear that because willpower is not easy to get and whatever it is I have so little of it, but I know my Mom was right. I’ve had so many years to cement bad habits, settle into comfortable inertia, and I fall asleep at 9 which doesn’t give me much time! My “default” settings are hard-wired and I’m guilty of thinking “This is just who I am”. In spite of all these concerns, there are still changes I want to make and goals I want to meet. I’m still here so there’s more to come! If one of my goals is to practice more self-acceptance that requires a change in my thinking and attitudes which may be the hardest of any changes to make. Most days I’m pretty optimistic, but some days I’m just tired!

a Wonder

So is it harder for older people to change? What does AI say? ChatGPT tells me “Short answer: yes, its usually harder-but very much still possible.” Who am I to argue with artificial intelligence? As an older adult I have certain advantages that young people lack when it comes to making the changes I desire. There’s always my, “Been there, done that.”, experiences which hopefully have taught me at least what does not work in changing myself. Giving myself permission to smoke according to a schedule never worked to make me a non-smoker, it had to be cold turkey. Rewarding myself with the poison I’m trying to banish from may life has never worked for me.  I don’t “reward” myself with booze or sugar. I know I have to start with small changes and consider slow progress a success. When I started running it was a block, then 5 blocks and so on- up to miles. I don’t believe in “whipping” myself into shape or anything else. I think the biggest difference in making changes in my life ,from my younger years to now, is my motivation for doing so.  I’m not trying to “stake my claim” in the world any longer. Success is something different now. I’m not trying to win, I’m trying to matter. I want to actively increase my participation  in  social, cultural and political arenas where I believe I can make a difference and be a part of the community. This is what I resolve for the new year:  Show up, practice gratitude and cherish family and friends everyday!  And of course lose 10 pounds, and learn how to do a back flip…

Possibilities aren’t endless, but the odds are pretty good this year will be better than 2025…. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2026!

a WRINKLE a Week #7   

Yes Danita, there is no Santa Claus. No how, no way. Bah Humbug!  Grown-ups are such downers. Magic, fantasy, and wonder are for kids, not old people. I just want to skip Christmas and the forced gaiety.  I just set myself up for disappointment when the Norman Rockwell christmas I envision doesn’t happen. It never has!   A Martha Stewart christmas makes me tired just reading about it. Would my younger friends call Martha an influencer? Christmas cookies make me fat, eggnog does too. Reality is as irresistible as a club, but it’s the only story in town. I don’t drink anymore,  but several drinks of Baileys or hot buttered rum sounds better and better as each year comes around. “He knows when you’re naughty or nice.” I always choose naughty over nice and besides the old fart sounds like a stalker. And what about the  little creatures called elves? Elves are kinda cute, but their eyes are dead and evil and I don’t want one on my shelf!  If Santa (who does not exist) got stuck in my chimney I could die from carbon dioxide poisoning  because my  fireplace does not vent. Trump, our souless ,evil, dear leader said he is bringing back Christmas; this from a Scrooge, a grinch, a bad Santa, the anti-Christ and Satan . Our country is so sad and beaten down. What’s so “merry” about this Christmas?

a WONDER a week #7

What about the little girl inside of me who KNOWS there is a Santa Claus?Can I find the Spirit  of Christmas within me  if I can soften my heart? I  remember Christmas at the bookstore where I worked for many years. If I didn’t focus on my tired feet, there were many moments when I put the book my customer wanted in their hands and I got a big thank you and all was well. There was always the children’s book section and Santa bear to cheer me up. These memories can sustain me in the present day when my Christmas spirit wanes, I’ve found I can enjoy the elements of Christmas I love and let the rest go. I can enjoy the work that others do, the lights and decorating and baking. For me, I cherish all the Christmas lights that I believe can banish the darkness in our world. When I turn on the Christmas lights on my little trees, the lights soothe and comfort me. I love to cuddle with my doggies and feel the peace. Its not a flashy frantic “Everything, Everywhere, All At Once” kind of Christmas,  but it’s real. I  don’t need to believe in Santa to believe in the peace and joy of Chrismas.

a WRINKLE a week

Money doesn’t grow on trees. I have confirmed this. What a  “wrinkle” this is! From car loans to student loans to credit card balances, I’ve always paid my debts. Unfortunately, my debts lately are for decidedly unglamorous things; think dental work, hearing aids, glasses and physical therapy. I pay someone to mow my lawn and shovel my snow cause I have a major case of “Old”. I’ve learned money doesn’t s-t-r-e-t-c-h to cover whatever new expenses I may have, in fact, my emergency funds are shrinking. Social security is anything but. My anxiety about money has only increased under our incompetent, corrupt and crazy President. About 70% of the wealth in the US is concentrated in the top 10% percent. I’m in the other 90%. Follow the money! I hate feeling this helpless. Will I run out of money before I run out of life? Medical care and prescription drugs are necessities and all of these are costing me more now. What comes in has to be equal to or more than what goes out. I cut it very close some months. It feels like quicksand.

a WONDER a week

Obviously the more money I have the more things I can buy, but I’m getting tired of organizing stuff. I’ve figured out that less stuff means I spend less time organizing and more time having fun. Keep it simple is my new mantra and this keeps more money in my pocket. “A penny saved is a penny earned. “, but pennies are not even being minted anymore so this cliche is dead. I invest my money, cross my fingers and pay attention. I’m proactive and have a “money” guy who helps me manage my money. My friend and I have a unique money exchange!  Money rarely passes between us because our debts with each are often paid in “coffees”, i.e that item will cost me the 2 coffees I need to purchase for you. Sometimes we lose track, but overall it works for us. It feels better for us to be on the coffee exchange.  You’ll see me in thrift stores and rarely at the malls.  Used is ok with me and I have a lot of fun creating a “ new” treasure. I’m used and I’m a treasure  I create every day. Sometimes I can’t get that thing Ihave to have and that hurts, but having enough money to get what I need is priority. And I have to  replace my fence which blew down last night. At least my money tree survived the wind storm….

A Wrinkle and a Wonder a Week #5

a WRINKLE a week

Act your age! This is what we say to children when they are  acting up in some way that we view as troublesome or silly and not age appropriate. We expect they can do better. We may not verbalize it, but we also expect our olders ( my preferred term) to act their age. What does that mean? There is my belly button age, and then there is -how I act, how I feel, how I look and how I think. I may think my “age” is solely determined by the calendar, but lots of people will tell me how “old”I am. Cultural expectations and ageism are strong currents to swim against. And, sometimes too old is too old!  Trump is too old to be president and I’m too old to become a prima ballerina. That’s not ageism, that’s reality. Research from Harvard  found that those who hold negative beliefs about their aging, die sooner, by as much as seven years!. What I think about my own aging can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “ I think I’m old, therefore I am! So act my age? What does that mean? 

a Wonder a week

I give myself a break on how I handle my aging, after all, this is my first time at this. There are some good examples and certainly some bad examples, but it is fundamentally up to me to invent it as I go along. Considering the mine field I tip toe through daily, I think I’m doing pretty well for a novice. I don’t get up every day, look in the mirror and say “Let’s do this!”, but I bet few people, young or old, do. I show up and occupy the world in my own unique way. Ageism is very insidious.Have you really thought about the “old people” jokes we hear? Here’s a Google listing:  “75 ‘Old People Jokes’ for Seniors to Laugh at and Feel Seen. Laughter is the best medicine for aging.” This sounds like a suggestion to take your “laugh” pill and you oldies won’t see that you are being laughed “at” and not “with”. “ Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.” Is this funny? I’m not laughing. Just tell me a good dirty joke instead. So I guess it’s all about my attitude and the “wonder” is I get to choose my attitude and determine what getting old means to me. The situation is in flux!

A Wrinkle and a Wonder a Week #4

a Wrinkle a week

Delayed gratification? Have it now, why wait? It was hard to think ahead when I was young; simply impossible to imagine myself as an older woman. Even if it was labeled “May be hazardous to your health”, I just planned to  worry about the consequences later. I smoked, fried in the sun and consumed large amounts of alcohol. I took chances, made reckless choices and starved myself or binge ate. Picking the wrong men was definitely hazardous to my health. As I get older, I find that “later” was sooner than I thought! Consequences, wrinkles and a body that rebels  are piling up as I age. I thought I could “fix” myself and outrun or forget some of my past trauma. For many years, my running obsession gave legs to my intention to get healthy and not grow old. Was I running away from something or running toward something”? I’d still be running if my body allowed me to. Now I’m afraid of falling and getting up off the floor. God knows I’ve had enough therapy to last several lifetimes and I think I’m done, self-improvement be damned. So I am “worse for wear”, or am I?

a Wonder a week

We learn from our experiences right? We’ve all heard that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I’m still around and I argue that I am stronger for all my life experiences, both good and bad. Somewhere along the line I stopped smoking and drinking and started making better choices. The wonder is that I keep learning and exercising my mind and body. What I don’t know is vast, but I’m curious and love to discover my world and honor my past. I do chair yoga so I don’t have to worry about getting up from the floor! I act quickly to treat “aches and pains” and any serious health  concerns. Most importantly,  I do not subscribe to the  “Lots of people your age…” theory which I know promotes ageism and minimizes the health concerns of the olders.  Now I do look ahead, and protect and plan for mobility issues. Escaping natural consequences isn’t possible, but I don’t believe that I need to be a victim either. I do subscribe to the “Use it or lose it.” theory for both my body and mind. My good friends are my best support, keep me engaged and make me laugh. I treasure all of you.

A Wrinkle and a Wonder a week #4

a Wrinkle a week

Delayed gratification? Have it now, why wait? It was hard to think ahead when I was young; simply impossible to imagine myself as an older woman. Even if it was labeled “May be hazardous to your health”, I just planned to  worry about the consequences later. I smoked, fried in the sun and consumed large amounts of alcohol. I took chances, made reckless choices and starved myself or binge ate. Picking the wrong men was definitely hazardous to my health. As I get older, I find that “later” was sooner than I thought! Consequences, wrinkles and a body that rebels  are piling up as I age. I thought I could “fix” myself and outrun or forget some of my past trauma. For many years, my running obsession gave legs to my intention to get healthy and not grow old. Was I running away from something or running toward something”? I’d still be running if my body allowed me to. Now I’m afraid of falling and getting up off the floor. God knows I’ve had enough therapy to last several lifetimes and I think I’m done, self-improvement be damned. So I am “worse for wear”, or am I?

a Wonder a week

We learn from our experiences right? We’ve all heard that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I’m still around and I argue that I am stronger for all my life experiences, both good and bad. Somewhere along the line I stopped smoking and drinking and started making better choices. The wonder is that I keep learning and exercising my mind and body. What I don’t know is vast, but I’m curious and love to discover my world and honor my past. I do chair yoga so I don’t have to worry about getting up from the floor! I act quickly to treat “aches and pains” and any serious health  concerns. Most importantly,  I do not subscribe to the  “Lots of people your age…” theory which I know promotes ageism and minimizes the health concerns of the olders.  Now I do look ahead, and protect and plan for mobility issues. Escaping natural consequences isn’t possible, but I don’t believe that I need to be a victim either. I do subscribe to the “Use it or lose it.” theory for both my body and mind. My good friends are my best support, keep me engaged and make me laugh. I treasure all of you.

A Wrinkle a Week

I’m so not cool. Perhaps I am even “cringe”.  Am I too old to be anything other than old? I’m not sure. The beauty industry, focused primarily on looking younger, tells me that I should fight my wrinkles. I look in the mirror and think waging war on my aging body is probably a losing battle, but maybe, just maybe, this particular moisturizer can banish my wrinkles and crepey skin. Who wants “bingo” arms?  No sleeveless tops for me. I’m out of the loop and sound kind of silly using some of the words coined by the younger generation. 67 means what?  I use too many ellipses … and I need a cheat sheet to help me understand and write texts. Don’t roll your eyes at me, I had enough of that when my son was a teenager. Now it’s my son who can hover a bit; he’s telling me to “be careful” more often.  I may even roll my eyes at him!  On a scale of 1 to 10,  I’m mostly invisible in the world of men. If I’m noticed at all it’s because I look strange or am acting like a strange old lady . If I am not careful I can slip up and start a sentence with” Kids these days…” (oops!). Sounding like my Mother is definitely not cool.

A Wonder a Week

I may not be cool, but I am not a passing fad. I am a “classic”! Think Rolls Royce or a Gucci bag. Well maybe I shouldn’t go that far, but there are some things, like me, that never go out of style. If I practice kindness, respect and tolerance I am never out of style. I am mostly comfortable in my own skin. I don’t try on 20 outfits before I leave the house or suffer discomfort  from clothes that are cool but painful to wear.  I’d rather do the next right thing than strive for the right clothes, the right car and whatever else cool people have. I have more time to spend on things I enjoy instead of worrying about my image. Comparing myself, evaluating myself and testing the environment are a waste of my precious time.  Older women are not on the radar of our youth obsessed culture. My age is pretty good cover, people aren’t watching me, but ignore me at your own peril if you are trying to do harm and be unjust. I worry less about impressing other people and more about impressing myself. I remind myself often that “ What  you think about me is none of my business.”

a WRINKLE a week

“If it’s not one thing it’s another.” For example, when asked about my physical ailment du jour I might say, “My knee is better, but my hip hurts now.”  With aging complicating my life, I often face multiple issues all occurring at the same time. My townhome needs work, my body needs work and the world is a total mess. It feels like the movie title “Everything Everywhere All At Once.”  I’d really prefer just one thing at a time. Thank you very much. It could be that I’m not as adept at juggling as I once was, or maybe I’m just tired more.My house of cards is more susceptible to collapsing. I’m not a moving target, I’m a sitting duck. But enough with the metaphors!  Shit happens and I have to deal with it or pay the price. My limited and fixed income is constraining and at times makes me fearful. Meanwhile time marches on and life gets even more complicated.

a WONDER a week

As the years go by, with more and more of, “been there done that”,  I’d like to think that I’ve learned a lot. A big part of what I have learned is that not everything is an emergency.  I can prioritize what needs to be addressed right now and what can wait. So that “Everything Everywhere All At Once” becomes more like First Things First and One Day at a Time. My body is not as reliable as it once was and I can plan for that. I don’t need to wait for the emergency to happen, I can focus on accessibility right now. Denial is still a liability for me, but it has been tempered by the many experiences I’ve had with “It won’t happen to me.” actually happening to me.  I’m not afraid to ask for help and not above playing the old, gray haired lady card. Problem solving is something I think I’m pretty good at. I dig deep, navigate phone prompts  and figure out who I need to talk to. Customer service is an oxymoron: my call is not important to them and they will not be with me shortly. I’m very tenacious and at times I am even patient. Yes, patience!

a WRINKLE a week :I used to ________ run, play guitar… ( Fill in the blank).  If my conversations are full of used to’s, then I know my now is lacking something. Melancholy for a younger, better me diverts my attention from what I am doing now. When the present me is not so cool, do I get points for all the things I used to do?  Was I really a better version of myself then, but now I’m just old?  I know I have a long past, and a future which will be much shorter, but I am learning the moment I have right now is really the only one I need. What am I going to do with this moment? “Used to” is really nowhere

a WONDER a week: Whatever “it” was or is, it’s not a fatal flaw or I’d be dead. I wonder  how many times I got through it when I just  “couldn’t do it” anymore. I walked or I crawled, but I kept moving. Iv’e learned I don’t get an “A”for pretty, I get an “A” for effort. Remember that awful, cringe commercial from 1980, about a perfume Enjoli, where the heroine sings and dances while crowing: I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man.”  Well I don’t cook, I don’t really like bacon and I won’t help you if your masculinity is so fragile that I need to remind you you’re a man. So the wonder of it all is I’m really much stronger than I give myself credit for. And I’m not done yet.