Winning is not Everything

Success is based upon a spiritual quality, a power to inspire others. Vince Lombardi
It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you played the game. Grantland Rice
Oscar Wilde: It’s not whether you win or lose, its who you can blame. (Good old Oscar)

I love to win. I want to raise my fist in the air and shout “Yes!” as many times as I can. Winning feels good, and losing not so good. I care as much about winning an argument as I care about winning a sport or game. Actually I get more satisfaction from winning an argument or a war of words. I am my intellect. I think . Descartes and I never met but I know he was talking about ME when he said “I think, therefore I am.” I wish I could get my “score” every day. How am I doing? The announcer says “Danita is sitting in second place, when will she make her move?”

Currently I am engaged in war with the board of my homeowner association. I think they are not worthy opponents, but they do have power,and I want to be the most powerful person on earth and especially in my neighborhood. I shoot my word weapons and hope for a direct hit that disables their side. I am right damnit! I want to hear them say it. I will make them dizzy with my sarcastic wit. Take that! And that! Soon they will have to admit that I am the winner of this little war. Victory will come?

As I read over what I have written, I realize that as I have aged, the”fight” in me is retreating. Victory is not as satisfying when it is celebrated alone. Who are my enemies? Being vulnerable is the real victory, and requires more courage than reacting with rage. I am Tom Cruises’ character in “Born on the 4th of July”, who returns from Vietnam a paraplegic. Lying in bed, with tears in his eyes, he asks his father “Who’s gonna love me?”. I want to hug the child I was,wipe her tears, and tell her many times she is loved and does not need to earn love. Would I have been able to hear? I probably would have struggled away from the hug, and the wise words, and went back out to the arena of life even more determined to win at all costs. After all, I had everything to lose. Who would love me if I didn’t win?

If /then- (my son is a logics instructor)- If I win, then I will be loved. Love is a result of winning anything,everything,and everywhere, all the time. “Staying Alive” is on the radio, maybe it’s the white suit that made the difference. If you don’t get this reference, then….just forget it. What I know for sure is that no one wins every time. We can withhold love from ourselves even if we are victorious and the crowd is cheering us. Maybe winning or losing is not a variable in the love equation. Love is given and received freely, or not at all . It starts with ME and grows with WE.

4 thoughts on “Winning is not Everything”

  1. I appreciate this post in many ways Danita! I especially appreciated the line “Being vulnerable is the real victory . . .” That is where genuine growth and insights come–when we let down our walls and embrace our humanness. Thanks!


  2. This brought tears to my eyes. Being vulnerable is the real victory…yes, but it feels so…well, vulnerable.
    Thanks and thanks again.


Leave a Reply to Danita W. Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s