Oldish

This blog is called Aging Wrinkles and Wonders so obviously I spend a lot of time thinking about “old”. When I fill out my demographic info and, and I have a drop down for the year I was born, it seems like I jumped off a cliff( like Wylie Coyote) and splat-1952 is all the way down. I’m 70 since my Halloween birthday last year.  So my first Halloween costume was my birthday suit. Out of concern for others I don’t do costumes for Halloween.

So how old am I? I think I’m kinda old, a hint of old, I’m young -old. People might say I’m an older lady but not an old lady. Fifty shades of age right? But that’s not a good visual is it? Anyway I’ve decided I’m “oldish”, so that’s my working assumption.

So I have wrinkles on my body and wrinkles in my life. This is why I have “Bum, Bum crème” and 10 different hair thickening shampoos in my arsenal of beauty products.I can’t seem to throw them away. Here’s part of a post on how I am dealing with the wrinkles of life:

Without a doubt the one thing that is always in fashion is “youth”,  or at least to be young looking. As I’ve aged I admit that I have had moments of “youth envy”, and moments of panic about the relentless creep into old age.  I don’t think I have “inflated pride” in my appearance, but of course I want to be attractive and look as good as I can. Am I  trying too hard to recapture my youth? I know I am not alone in navigating the minefield of how to define mature beauty. I’m not trying to be 25, or subjecting myself to cosmetic surgery to look younger. I don’t even wear makeup anymore, but I’m sure trying to find the product that makes my hair look thicker. Maybe there is a crème that could tighten up my skin and my behind.  As for recapturing my youth, I’m trying to remember that though hope springs eternal, youth does not.

Stereotypes abound about aging, but stereotypes be damned. I swear I’ll slug the next medical provider who says,  “You’re getting older and this is common in people your age.” Yeah right,  and “stupidity is common in people your age!”  I admit I’m not as flexible now and I don’t spring up from anything anymore, but I’m not applying for a job as a jack-in-the-box.  I’m actually more flexible in dealing with life’s twists and turns and adapting to what “is” instead of what I wish were true. My reflexes are also a bit slower, but I am not driving in the Indy 500 and I give myself more space and time to navigate thru life.

I have such conflicting  feelings about growing older.. This is from a blog post I wrote about 5 years ago:  

How about I let go of the “I’m too old.” excuse. I know I can’t do everything my younger self could do, but I can do lots more than I think I can. I can’t be an elite runner,  but I can run 3 miles a day. It’s very unlikely that I will win a Grammy, but I can play banjo and guitar and even sing. My writing won’t show up on the New York Times’ bestsellers list and I will continue to write anyway. I can learn how to do many things that are not age limited.  Untying the ”I’m too old” knot may take a bit longer due to my mild arthritis, but damn, it will get done. When I get to the end of my life, I hope I will not be tied up in knots. I’m hoping I will be shaped into a nice, beautiful bow.

 I’m telling you about my personal feelings about “old”because I’ve little filter left. I don’t give a shit! I’m too old to worry too much about how other people see me. I feel a freedom that is liberating and powerful even if I have arthritis in every joint in my body…There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who comes in the room.

When you play alive or dead you’re sure where you stand.!

I fill up my over-flowing pill caddy once a week and I always put a daily dose of gratitude and self-compassion in it. I’ve discovered a new passion for storytelling. It’s almost as good as sex, if my memory is correct.

How old would I be, if I didn’t how old I was? I’ve got  a great answer now. It doesn’t matter- I’m ageless!