Sometimes it really is true that you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I just accidentally sent a “super like” to a rather suspect 80 year old guy on Match, who may have said he was looking for hook-ups!! But what’s really funny is he will go “view” me and decide I’m not even hook-up worthy… That’s the update on my on-line dating experiment or fiasco, which ever you want to call it. Most of the “likes” I’ve gotten have been from guys who live on Mars or didn’t post a photo. How do you meet for coffee when the guy is from Canada, California or Mars? And of course, without a photo to look at, it’s quite like a shot in the dark. Is he 18 or 100, or white, black or, god forbid, orange? Maybe he has a swatzicka tattooed on his cheek. Or is he selfie challenged? With all of this consternation, why am I still on the dating site? Good question.
I never want to say “My late husband Roger.” Roger is not late, he’s a permanent no show. He died six years ago. Anyway Roger was a master storyteller and pretty good at remembering jokes and not screwing up the punch line. Most people that knew him would agree that he was a very funny guy. I, however, can’t tell a joke to save my ass and my storytelling wanders and meanders, and the thought train goes off the track, and I forget important details, and you can’t follow me and…. See what I mean? Molly did a handstand the other day so she could pee right where Roscoe peed. This made me laugh when I saw it, but I doubt most people would think it very funny. Roger told the story of the night his parents went out and he and his brother ground up all the onions in his Mom’s garden, and how eyes watered and the smell didn’t go away for weeks. I always thought that was a funny story. All I know is that Roger made me laugh and he could even get me to laugh at myself. So I try to carry on his irreverent attitude and cast my online dating experiences in a humorous light, a la Roger.
Is it my profile photos that deter men from contacting me? Would a young Barbra Streisand have gotten lots of “likes” on Match, or would her snoz have been a turn off for most guys. I think Robert Redford would have gotten more “likes” on Match than Paul Newman, and I am also sure that every “like” Paul Newman got would have mentioned his beautiful blue eyes. There may be a formula for success for on-line dating, but nobody is willing to give me the recipe for the secret sauce. I suppose saying “Please, please give me a chance.” sounds too desperate, and “Who cares?” a bit too aloof. “Just be yourself.”, is the most frequent advice I get from friends, but which self are they talking about? I’m not a chameleon and have a pretty solid sense of who I am, but different people bring out different parts of my personality and appeal to my different interests. One thing I know for sure is that Roger, were he in my circumstances, would have had people laughing hysterically at his online dating stories. Roger was always good at saying out-loud what people were thinking. He got away with a lot because he was so darn cute. I’m not cute, I’m …what?
I work out a lot of things by writing about it, so that is what I am doing. Unfortunately, this means my readers may be covering their eyes and saying “T.M.I, T.M.I.” This whole experience is really funny to me because I choose to laugh rather than cry, I hope the same for you dear reader.