Ebb and Flow

Often I am bursting with ideas and inspiration for my writing. I have scraps of paper everywhere with words and phrases that I can’t forget before they can come spilling out when I sit down to write. I tell myself when inspiration sneaks away that writers write, so I get my ass in the chair and write. Usually this discipline will allow me to listen to myself and ideas will come. Then there are times when the words slow to a trickle or just drips. It’s that annoying drip that you hear at night when it is quiet. Eventually it becomes like the sound of a jet engine. The drip is eroding my peace, the hard water is creating a rust stain, and I am not writing. I am not in the flow of ideas.

What goes up, must come down. Gravity. Waves hit the shore reaching farther onto the beach, and then the waves slowly recede. Tides. The ebb and flow of water, ideas, and life is simply how the world works. There is a Buddhist tenet that says “This too shall pass.” I know that change is certain, but I am still surprised by it. Life doesn’t make any promises. I make plans to go from point A to point B and arrive at point Z! There is no forever. The skies cloud over and it rains and then the sun comes out. I am sick and I get better. How can I keep my balance? I fall down a lot and get back up a lot. How’s that for balance?

I don’t like to be tossed around, so when change inevitably comes I need an anchor.
There is good change and bad change, or at least that is how my limited mind views it. I admit what seems like a negative experience can morph into a monumental and necessary learning experience. Damn it! So life is uncertain and constantly changing and there is really nothing I can do about this. Whatever is happening– is what is happening in this moment. If I take one moment at a time I become aware of the nuances of my emotions. When I thought I could not handle my grief for one more moment, I noticed that in the next moment there was a change, however slight, in my experience of grief. “This too shall pass” works both ways. Sadness and happiness will pass and come around again. The constant is me and even I am changing. I have tried to fight change and hold tightly to the status quo and to my dismay, life still slipped through my barricades.

Denial is always an option but seems less attractive to me as I age. Wasting any moment by resisting what is just means one less moment of life for me. Happiness, anger, or sadness come and go and I am the vessel . So if resistance and denial are no match for the relentless cycle of change should I concede, just give up? I know that the answer is yes, give up, accept and say yes to every moment. It will change.