Keep It Simple

I’m possessed. Not that kind of possessed!  I’m possessed by all my possessions.  I know“You can’t take it with you”,  but I thought I would have like 100 years before I needed to downsize. I supersized my stuff, binged on material possessions and gained a lot of material and psychic weight,  and there is no Ozempic for clutter control. I’ll have to settle for will power!

I still want to hang onto things but I’m starting to change my thinking and my behavior slowly. I will only change when  I decide to change , and the “times they are a changin.” Right now it’s more painful for me to collect things and clutter my life than to feel momentarily bereft when I let things or people go. I want to see clearly, move freely and think freely. I can’t be tending to my stuff and lose my focus. Too many choices and I become overwhelmed, and conversely I’m  convinced there is one and only one correct choice. Just buy 5 different kinds of toothpaste or shampoo, experiment and choose one and keep the others just in case.   When I quit smoking I threw away a lot of almost full packs cause I just wanted 1 more cigarette -and then I would quit completely. I finally quit when I got it that cigarettes were controlling me not vice versa. I wanted to be free to not “ need” a substance to get thru my life. Notice that cigarettes aren’t sold in packs of 5! 

The better I am at organizing, the worst I become at paring down my stuff. Why keep figuring out how to organize my stuff when I could just get rid of it?. If I am not using a pan or a utensil or whatever why do I keep it and then have to figure out how to store it. I play this game with myself where I see how many pairs of shoes I can buy, keep and organize.  It’s not a game I can win. Believe me I have tried! I have a bounce house full of beads of all kinds. I think I might need to bring home less stuff. The flow of what comes in and what goes out needs to skew toward less “ in” and lots more “ out”. Who needs 5 corkscrews because you couldn’t find the other 4?

I’m a compulsive person who must figure it all out. I have a dangerous amount of psychic clutter. It’s ALL important and I must always focus on bettering myself, being good enough and preferably perfect. I have rehearsals going on in my head all the time.  I get myself prepared with the best argument, retort ,put down or flirt. How will I get him to fall in love with me? Now I am finally confronting my false sense of control and realizing that worry really shits on today and this moment.  If I am worrying, I am not available to experience what is happening right now. I can’t hoard time no matter what bargains with the devil I try to make. I am a consumer of time and I know it is finite. Life doesn’t need to be so complicated and “time” consuming. 

My friend Henry David Thoreau preached :“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand; instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your accounts on your thumb nail.” And “ Our life is frittered away by detail, simplify, simplify.” And the traveler in me  agrees with Henry” The rule is to carry as little as possible.” See the  farmer with his pitchfork and the farmer’s wife in her apron , and you are looking at “American Gothic” by Grant Wood. Now imagine them both with cell phones in their hands, ear buds in ,back packs stuffed to the gills and suitcases in a pile at their feet. Substitute  the pichfork with a Weed wacker. Silly isn’t it? What are the 12 Steps for Hoarders Anonymous?