For months after Roger died, it was impossible for me to write because my words were all gone. There was nothing to say because my grief was squeezing the life out of my heart. I was very busy instructing my heart to keep beating. Beat, beat, breathe in, breathe out, beat, beat….
Now I am surprised to find that I can trust my heart to keep beating, and I breathe without conscious awareness. My words are coming back, but they often fail me. I know that I need to create a life “after” Roger’s death and my writing helps me begin to do that. Grammar and punctuation be damned! My feelings refuse to follow any rules.
Putting pen to paper now would mean my tears would fall on the paper, and blur the ink where they landed. The type on a tablet screen can’t be blurred by tears falling on the screen and this seems a little dishonest, but please witness me as I write about the days to come. I am honored to have your company.