The “Dump-the-Asshole Diet”

I thank my neighbor for giving me a weighty topic. I was walking the doggies the other morning and she was walking to her car. I commented on how good she looked, and how she looked like she had lost weight. She said “Yes, 40 pounds!” I asked how she did it and if she followed a specific diet. She said “Yes, the dump-the-asshole diet.” We both chuckled and I told her that it was a good diet and she should market it. The asshole in her life was a live in boyfriend who she booted out. Life does get a lot “lighter” when we say goodbye to the assholes in our lives, or the “stuff” we drag around in our psyche and living spaces. Or as the Beatles said “You’re going to carry that weight.” until we dump it.

To eat or not to eat? That is the question! Seemed like the flip of the coin after a breakup; either I decided to over eat or decided to deny myself food. I preferred to lose my appetite and lose weight, because getting skinnier was best. So I too have used the “dump-the-asshole”diet, but I have also been shoved into the “I’ve been dumped” diet. My break-up diet was usually pretty effective, but more often it was the “I’ve been dumped” diet. I’d like to think I wasn’t the asshole who was dumped!

weigh down  1: overburden, oppress, depress.  Yes, sometimes I do feel the “weight of the world on my shoulders”.  I tell myself, “Gotta do this, gotta do that.” Before I know it I am dressed in the heavy cloak of SHAME . Setting boundaries with people, or ending relationships is so hard for me because, of course , it’s all my fault!  Questioning myself, doubting myself, and denying my feelings are usually my first steps when a relationship hits a rough patch. I ended a “close” relationship several years ago, but only after I accepted that my hurt feelings were valid and my anger was justified. My friend told me that I shouldn’t feel that way. In short, I finally trusted myself and respected myself. It took me a long time to get over the mountain of “I shouldn’t feel this way.” It was difficult for awhile, but then I felt a sense of relief and freedom. Negative thoughts and self-recriminations had weighed on my mind and heart and I was free of the relationship that  “weighed” me down.

Things can weigh us down too. I can own my things or my things can own me. Clutter is a burden, it fills up our living spaces and fills up our psyche and consciousness. We move clutter around with us and it gets in the way of feeling free and in charge of our lives. Losing the weight of clutter may prompt our bodies to lose weight too. I sell some of my clothes clutter and housewares clutter to “Repeat Boutique”, a consignment store. I am motivated to make money, so the more stuff I can sell to them the richer I become and the less clutter I have. Whatever is not sold is donated to local thrift stores. Everybody wins!

Just remember : “You wanna fly, you gotta give up the shit that weighs you down.” Toni Morrison

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